How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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