In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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