You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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