just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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