It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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