god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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