how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
