eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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