In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
