the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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