just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
