Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
