we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
