She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
