I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
