i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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