obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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