Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
