You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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