you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
