youre lurking in front of me
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize