ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
