I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
honey bunches of taint.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
