So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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