I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
