just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
