i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
