New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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