I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
