He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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