I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
