She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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