Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize