im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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