i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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