is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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