just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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