The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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