he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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