I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
