i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
