I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dick very happy bro
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
