we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's rum buckets o'clock
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize