whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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