I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
