I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize