BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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