Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize