Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
