2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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