Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
