he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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