so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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