Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
