fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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