I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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