So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize