I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
