Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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