I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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