Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
