I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
