she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
