My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
