I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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