My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize